But Mom, I Don't Want to Grow Up....

I popped my head off my pillow this morning half hour earlier than I had to wake up because it hit me... it's almost MAY! Which means, it's almost the month before I graduate! I have not done anything!!!

I have my resume completed. This is the piece of paper that I am going to be giving agencies telling them, "Hi. This is a sheet of paper that tells you exactly why you should hire me and why I am awesome. Please take a chance on me." Because of this, I feel that my resume still needs some fixing up to do- considering this will be the only thing that will inform the given individual (of who may potentially be my boss someday) about who I am and why I am qualified. For this reason, I have not been able to take that leap of faith and send in my resume to some sweet job opprutunites that I have my eye on. Maybe I need to get over myself and send it anyway...

Another thing- I have decided that I would like to start looking for jobs in Oregon and Colorado. These are two states that I have never visited but I feel like I know enough about these places to know that they will fit my personality and interests quite well. I have looked for jobs in these two states and it seems as though they are both looking for Social Workers. Well that's great, isn't it? Except, the other part of my brain is asking, "Jenn, do you really want to move away to a state where you have no family or friends? Are you really ready to pick up and live somewhere new? And on your own?"

I want to go somewhere new. Start a new life and have a fresh new start. However, I feel as though I do not have enough resources (experience, independence, and MONEY) to do so. How do people go about a situation like this? I understand that there is always the option of going back home. I have a wonderful home to go back to with loving parents, sister, and dogs. However, I do not have the desire to move back. Is it a pride thing? I'm not sure. I am eager to start a life of my own, meet new people, make a new network, and finally gain work experience in a field that I enjoy very much.

Problem: I am terrified.

I know how to do school because that is what my life has consisted of for the past 18 years. Changing direction annd transitioning to something completely different is excitingly scary. Apart of me is waiting for my wonderful and merciful Lord to place oppurtunites on my lap and make things easy for me. But, if my God made things easy for me, let's face it, when would my faith be tested? Pretty sure that's not how it works...

I am beginning to feel overwhelmed because not only are these thoughts filling my mind throughout the day, but I am also wrapped up in hours of class a day, 8 hour day internship, work, extra cirricular activites, and making sure I am actually passing my classes so I can graduate. I understand that millions of young people in my position are experiencing exactly what I am right about now. I understand that I need to get over myself and come up with a game plan. I think I know what I should do now. I will be working on finalizing my resume and start sending a few out this weekend. That's right. THIS WEEKEND. Once I start to send a few out and start the application process and praying to my sweet Jesus at the same time, I am hoping that I will be able to get a better clue on what this "growing up" gig is all about.

So for now:
Resume sending, applying, and praying...let the fun begin!

One pair? Au Pair?

At this point in my life, it seems as though I come up with a new and different "game plan" everyday. A few weeks ago, I had an idea of after I graduate (and after my one remainder month of being being in this small awesome town in California to be in my dear friend's wedding), that I pick up and go to Europe, specifically Scotland, and possibly pick up a social service kind of job there for few months then come back to the states and look into getting into grad school for the winter? Is acceptance to grad school even possible for the winter? I have no idea. But hey, it was just an idea I had and I loved it for like 2 days then came up with something new the next day. So at this point, my mind plays little ways and find ideas on what to do with my life for the next year or so.

Today I overheard this girl talking about some sort of nanny-ing job in Europe and my ears perked up. I have heard of this gig before. My friend did that a few years ago in France and if I remember correctly, she loved it? So Iget online, find this website that gives me all the details on this Europe-Nannny-Needing business (except they are called Au Pairs, not nannies). I go on this website and it gives a list of families that are in need of an Au Pair. Each entry (which were like 200 about) had a small bio and information about the family, why they need an Au Pair, the kids ages, and the perks for this gig. TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE it seemed like. A lot of "English speaking-great with kids- nice-and honest" Au Pairs are needed- I think I fit that quite well! My mind began to imagine fun thoughts about me exploring and having adventures in Europe doing this for a few months. Nothing permanent.

This is a fun idea to think about but then again, knowing myself these days, this idea may just leave my thoughts in about 3 days. Im not sure. But that is the fun part about planning my future- I am allowed to have ideas because well... why not? I am constantly putting my future in the Lord's hands and doing with my future what he knows is best for me. Until I know what that is, random searches for oppurtunities on GOOGLE has been my favorite hobby.

Should I nanny? Should I be a missionary? Should I pick up water basket weaving? I have no idea! Im still figuring things out. But for now, Ill practice my French and work on that passport....

little people.

I have had many times in my life where I had to interact with children (who hasn't?). I have helped out in Vacation Bible Schools, my profession throughout my teenage years was babysitting. I've worked at Summer camp and became their "teacher", "mommy", "coach", "big sister", and "mentor" every day of the week.

Interning at a children's shelter as part of my requirement to graduate with social work has been enlightening for me because I have remembered something that I have forgotten for years because Ive been too caught up with surrounding myself with people my age....



                                                   Oh my heck, I LOVE KIDS.

I love people. I love being around them. I also love kids and in the last two months, I have realized something... children are little people. DUH. I feel like I sometimes forget that kids are the same species as "grown ups". Kids are just like me and you- but more fun, more adventerous, funnier, more humble, and just overall better human beings. Being with kids for a good chunk of my week teaches me lessons. I remind myself to remember what life was like for me when I was in their shoes. Life was just this big ball of people telling me what to do, schedules, rules, dirt, wearing clothes that I had no say in, and innocence.

I have reminded myself that these kids are people just like me but smaller-and cooler. They need someone to listen and talk with them, not talk at them. They need guidance, not just rules. Being with kids again have reminded me of one main thing: I ABSOLUTELY LOVE CHILDREN. I just love them. I look forward to seeing them and having crazy conversations with them about things that are of no importance. However, some conversations that I have with kids are actually quite enlightening. I forget that they DO have a mind of their own- and it's wonderful. No wonder my very own Jesus told us to be like children- they are simple, smart, and rad.
I have grown a whole new love for these little people and because of them, I feel like I have become just a little better of a person. Kids are the world's reminders that there are still good things in this crummy world, and they have no idea. It is a beautiful thing.

PS. This blog entry is in no way an implication that I am in a rush to have my own child. :)

Thoughts of a Confused College Senior.

I still have so much living to do! This is the very thought that has been in my mind for the last week. I have had a few conversations with people this week and the more I talk about my future, the more I see of what oppurtunities are out there. I have just been told about a website called www.idealist.org and this is website about a non porfit organization in the states where people are given the chance to make a difference. Yes, the phrase "make a difference" sounds pretty cheesy but that is exactly why I am pursuing a career in- making a difference. I haven't fully understood everything about the website and specifically WHAT I would be signing up for if I did, but that is what is so exciting. These are just ideas that I have been having. I have also been looking into joining Americorps. This is also an organization that helps communities in need. These are just a couple of things I have looked up. Im not sure how certain I am about signing up to any of these options anytime soon, but hey, at least my mind is being creative with ideas for my future- and it's terrifying! And exciting all at the same time.

Am I just getting ahead of myself? Am I just going through a phase or a "mood" about all of this excitement? Maybe- but oh well. I have realized that I have not done as much living as I was aware of. I have have not traveled much. I have never fully lived on my own. I don't even keep track of my checkbook! I still have plenty of living and brainstorming to do about life and I'm just living it one day at a time. Life is so unpredictable and it never stops being unpredictable. Heck, I thought my life would be pretty different by this time a year ago- but hey, things happen.  Goodness, maybe this time by next week, I'll be thinking about joining the Navy and becoming a nurse or something (no way in heck that will be happening, but you get my drift). So for now, I'm going to keep googeling online and praying for oppurtunities for my future.

Now, I wonder what is life like in Canada, or Ireland.... or how about Arkansas?...

the magic box.

Another week? Yuck. Another week of tv shows? Not yuck. Looking  forward to the week just for my tv shows. I count down the days for each one of them.

                                                                      Parenthood

                                                                   Modern Family

Cougartown

                                            
                                                                         Greys Anatomy

                                                                     Private Practice

The Office

And not enough people know about this show (as well as Cougartown). Started in the summer.
It's a good one. Counting down to January when this show starts Season 2. Cant wait!

                                                                       Royal Pains

Let the week begin. Oh joy.



the unknown.

I woke up this morning (when I could have easily slept in and slept 12 hours) wondering about my future and the next chapter in my life. Wondering where I will be in a few months when I get that diploma and start the next step in life. So much stress enough for me to roll out of bed, go online, and see what jobs are out there. My life has recently made some changes and walking into the unknown of the future is never calming. But I am ready to swing at what balls come to me. After talking with family, praying, looking at jobs in different states throughout the country and imagining myself living there, the anxiety turned into excitement. The world is my playground and im ready for recess... sorta.